Tomorrow, it'll have been one month, though it feels like it's been a lot longer.
I want to say that nothing's changed, but everything's changing. Ritu has been telling me that this is the time in people's lives when things happen, and I feel like that might be true. I'm right on the cusp of something. I am happy -- really happy. I'm making plans and looking forward to things and enjoying things and letting the edges of my mind touch what may be possible, even though it's terrifying.
Las Vegas is a void. It's totally free of distractions, which is maybe why I've always retreated here to try and fix myself or whatever was "wrong with my life." I want so badly to believe that this will be where I change (or at least become a capable, responsible adult). My therapist's been talking about "independent living," which doesn't necessarily mean living on your own -- just being self-sufficient and healthy. That's what I want.
I won't let myself fall apart this time. I have something I really want, and I'm going to work until I get it.
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