I described this blog to my therapist as a "record of my time here in Vegas," which brought up the fact that I'm not committed to this place. I'm seeing it as an episode of my life that I just need to get through and learn something from.
I don't know if I'm really committed to any place -- that's been my problem in the past, how transient my lifestyle was and the feeling of weightlessness and inconsequence that brings -- but it was established during the therapy session that I really need to commit to something. I am tired of feeling untethered, of having a backup plan, of being okay with failure because there's always the option of escape. I want to have some idea with what to do both in the short and long run before I leave here. The idea of living on my own seems more and more appealing, but it's totally theoretical until I can be sure to find a job that either pays over minimum wage or offers a lot of hours.
Even as I type this, though, I'm already forming a contingency plan for when I get tired of slogging through dead-end entry-level jobs. I don't want to do that forever -- I know I want to get my education eventually -- and I know that if I wanted to go back to school after a year or a few years of working full-time, my parents would definitely support me in my decision, both financially and otherwise.
Maybe this is the plan? To work until I want to go back to school? But where can I find a job, and where will I live? Aud may be moving to either the Bay area or Portland this Spring semester, and the prospect of either of those places is really appealing. But what I'm imagining right now isn't at all realistic.
My aunt just emailed this to me:
Hi ashley
Hows going?
Aren't u giving me a call once?
I miss u & I love u
From ur loving ginger immo. ♥♡♥♡♥
People love me.
No comments:
Post a Comment